Cricketkind has received one of its greatest threats
Haydos in the altogether at the MCG: you didn’t hear it here first
Alan Gardner16-Sep-2025The ECB has tried calling it “Super September”, which the Light Roller understands is short for “Super Sopper September” – and South Africa’s autumnal return to England, three months on from winning the World Test Championship, became a predictable shemozzle, with two rain-wrecked T20Is sandwiching a deluge of a different kind, as England pongo-ed their way to 300 in Manchester.South Africa managed to concede 400 during the ODI series too – having achieved the same in Australia last month (though it’s fair to note that they had already won the series on both occasions). At least you could say they are consistent. Such are the convolutions of the schedule that we would forgive the bowlers for not knowing which team jersey they should be wearing, never mind what format they’re playing or what lengths to hit.In England and Wales, getting back to bilateral internationals, as well as the culmination of a host of county competitions, was sort of comforting – dreary weather included – after a month of the Hundred, during which the game’s global T20 overlords descended en masse. Did the Teen Tech Titans have fun playing with their new toys at Lord’s? We can only hope they did, after buying up the prime chunk of summer.On the subject of the calendar, ECB chair, Richard Thompson, tried speaking truth to power (i.e. himself). “Cricket arguably does play too much,” Thompson told the BBC. “We’re the only sport to have a World Cup every year, which I personally think is too much.” Now, that might sound like far too sensible an opinion for a cricket administrator to espouse, but don’t get carried away.Asked about the fact the ECB had squeezed the Hundred into such a small window that it started the day after the conclusion of the Test series against India, and finished less than 48 hours before an ODI against South Africa, Thompson said change would have to wait until the end of the current broadcast deal in 2028. “So we’re only three years away from being able to ensure there is a gap at the beginning and end of that period.” Just three more years, lads, then you can have a proper rest! It’ll still be raining in September, though.
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The Ashes are coming (you may have noticed), and that means all sorts of nonsense leaking into the discourse. But – and we sincerely apologise for bringing this to your attention if you were otherwise unaware – new levels of WT-actual-F were reached by Matthew Hayden’s contribution on the subject of whether Joe Root, now the second-leading Test run-scorer of all time, would get into an Ashes XI. Regarding the absence of a century on Australia soil from his CV, Hayden declared: “I’ll walk nude around the MCG if he doesn’t get a hundred this summer.” And it doesn’t matter if Haydos does eventually do the walk of shame dressed only in his Stetson or not, you now have that image in your head regardless.
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“Wait, eco-warrior means you’re fighting the ecosystem, right? Right?”•Matt Lewis/ECB via Getty ImagesAdam Zampa loves the environment. He loves animals (he’s a vegan), he loves sustainability. But he also loves the Hundred, as he said midway through a 34,000 km round trip to play in the men’s final for Oval Invincibles: “I absolutely love this comp, it’s my favourite one. I’ve loved playing for this team over the last couple of years of being involved.” Zampa duly bowled his 20 balls and helped Invincibles lift a third consecutive title, after which he hopped on the plane – presumably returning to his Byron Bay farmhouse, where the focus is on promoting native flora and fauna, growing their own food, and learning about “the ways in which we can help our impact on the eco-system”. Presumably one of those lessons being: if you can’t source your legspinners locally, it’s okay to fly them in from the other side of the world for one game.
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As anyone who has followed the sport for a period of time knows, cricket is more about talking than doing. There’s very little doing at any one time – often only two, maybe three or four, of the 13 people involved on the field – but usually lots of talking about it among those looking on. Or not talking about it, but rather discussing the weather, the food, the pigeons, or the regular appearances of the No. 32 bus over the shoulder of fine leg. So it’s fitting that attempts to refine and reduce the structure of the County Championship, after five months of discussion, look very much like boiling down to: it’s completely unworkable, but too hard to agree on change… so shall we just do the same again next year?
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It was bold, it was risky, it was trying to get ahead of the game… it was precisely none of the things that their opening partnership for Pakistan was famous for. And it probably needed an outsider of the calm, measured character of Mike Hesson to pull the T20I plug on Babar Azam and Mohammad Rizwan. It’s not about agendas or personal shortcomings, he said, just a simple question of strike rates. Data, guys. Look at the data. And then, y’know, obviously, he had to sit back and watch his bold, risky, ahead-of-the-game move result in Pakistan scoring at 0.35 above a run-a-ball after choosing to bat first in their defeat to India. Good try, Mike. But Pakistan’s gonna Pakistan.